apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
