i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
