The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
