one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
