So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
