I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
are you so shy because you have an std?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She bit a glass in half.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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