You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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