Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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