I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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