I want to have your abortion
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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