Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
