I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
