When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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