As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
