Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
