Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wakey wakey hands off snakey
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
