I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
