Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
