I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
