i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
