If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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