chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
