I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
not ubering you a puppy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
