Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
