he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
