Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
