my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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