I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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