she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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