I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
