you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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