Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
