I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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