hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
