i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
