My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am naked and annoyed.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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