my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
