did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
