she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
