We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
