3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
