I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
