I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It was confusing and full of hummus
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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