Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
