No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
