the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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