I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
