things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
