so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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