So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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