I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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