they need to just BURY HIM!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
